*Bang. The game started. She did not know what to do. People told her to run. Shouts were coming out from everywhere. The word only she can hear and think in her head was "run". Then off she went running, but she did not know why she was doing this for. Why was it that doing such running in the middle of summer was a choice she has made. She already thought about when the game would end, yet the finishing line was no where in sight."What am I doing here? What is this for? Am I doing the right thing? Why so suffer?" Then she remembered how it was like in other previous games. At the end, everybody was smiling. Then she knew why she was doing this for. It was about winning over herself. It was about overcoming the difficulty in such weather and to achieve in harder goals that she dream of accomplishing in. Smiling, she went off...to the finish line...
Sylvia: Skippyyyyyy nice story. Finally you get how to write it lol. :) It was a very interesting story. I like how the narrator is unknown. Wait, is the story about you? Its about cross country right? Nice job not directly telling what was going on.
Rachel: You did a great job with showing your inner thoughts through the use of stream of consciousness. I'm sure this is your own experience? I am sure almost all athletes feel the same way, so good job connecting the readers with your writing. If you let the readers know about what the situation is through more details, it would have been better. Also, use variety of words to illustrate your consciousness more clearly. :)
Seung Woo - I liked how the writing portrays the inner thought of the dilemma the character goes through. The conflict is very clear in that the character does not know why she is running, but later finds out why she is running. The dialogues also help to reinforce the dilemma she is going through. The writing could be better if the descriptions were more detailed because it helps to add dramatic thoughts.
Eunice Jang
kk. Interesting story~~ Is this story from your experience at the X-country game? :D Anyway... I really like how you located numerous point of view! Started from narrating the overall scene you really smoothly transferred to the character's inner mind. So I liked how the narration changed its point of view without any notice. But in the middle of the story, I think you suddenly forgot the meaning of the 'third point of view narration but as if it is narrated by the character'. So by not putting the quotation marks around her inner concern, I think you could have make the story looks more like as if it is narrated by the main character. However, you still did a good job writing a story containing interesting narration!!!! Yeah!
*Bang. The game started. She did not know what to do. People told her to run. Shouts were coming out from everywhere. The word only she can hear and think in her head was "run". Then off she went running, but she did not know why she was doing this for. Why was it that doing such running in the middle of summer was a choice she has made. She already thought about when the game would end, yet the finishing line was no where in sight."What am I doing here? What is this for? Am I doing the right thing? Why so suffer?" Then she remembered how it was like in other previous games. At the end, everybody was smiling. Then she knew why she was doing this for. It was about winning over herself. It was about overcoming the difficulty in such weather and to achieve in harder goals that she dream of accomplishing in. Smiling, she went off...to the finish line...
Sylvia: Skippyyyyyy nice story. Finally you get how to write it lol. :) It was a very interesting story. I like how the narrator is unknown. Wait, is the story about you? Its about cross country right? Nice job not directly telling what was going on.
Rachel: You did a great job with showing your inner thoughts through the use of stream of consciousness. I'm sure this is your own experience? I am sure almost all athletes feel the same way, so good job connecting the readers with your writing. If you let the readers know about what the situation is through more details, it would have been better. Also, use variety of words to illustrate your consciousness more clearly. :)
Seung Woo - I liked how the writing portrays the inner thought of the dilemma the character goes through. The conflict is very clear in that the character does not know why she is running, but later finds out why she is running. The dialogues also help to reinforce the dilemma she is going through. The writing could be better if the descriptions were more detailed because it helps to add dramatic thoughts.
Eunice Jang
kk. Interesting story~~ Is this story from your experience at the X-country game? :D Anyway... I really like how you located numerous point of view! Started from narrating the overall scene you really smoothly transferred to the character's inner mind. So I liked how the narration changed its point of view without any notice. But in the middle of the story, I think you suddenly forgot the meaning of the 'third point of view narration but as if it is narrated by the character'. So by not putting the quotation marks around her inner concern, I think you could have make the story looks more like as if it is narrated by the main character. However, you still did a good job writing a story containing interesting narration!!!! Yeah!